You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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