I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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