and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
