just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
