I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
