very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
