First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
