please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
