I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
