I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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