i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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