I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
40s are totally the cure
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
