I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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