OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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