He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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