they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
