I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
