I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
