I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
