Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
