my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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