In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
