Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
