totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My pussy is not your playground.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
