that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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