my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
