FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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