I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
