Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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