I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
