he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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