Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
