she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
