What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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