we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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