You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
