You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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