Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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