TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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