Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
