I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
