YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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