Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
