Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
