Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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