So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
