Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
