Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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