I must be too annoying 4 u.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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