I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
