in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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