Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
