Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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