My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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