Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
