I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
