I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize