next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
