matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know her cup size but not her name....
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