Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
